I wrote this back in 2006 when I purchased a new mountain bike and started riding again after a long hiatus.  Amazing how quickly I went into full obsession mode and am now riding at a level of intensity and frequency sufficient to make normal people scratch their heads.  In less than a year I went from riding my entry level trail bike in my gym shorts, t-shirt and tennis shoes, to a full- suspension XC race bike and giving nary a second thought to my lycra cycling shorts and clipless pedals, not to mention second bike for on-road training.  Time to see if I’m in danger of getting slapped:

• You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need two bikes…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
  • Yes I have two bikes.
    
• You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”
  • No, I’m still more worried about getting hurt, medical bills are more than my bike
    
• The purpose of each of your bikes takes longer than 10 minutes to explain.
  • Nope.  One for dirt, one for concrete.
    
• You work in a bike shop because it’s a good way to get into the industry.
  • Nope, bike shops don’t pay squat, even after you factor in the discount
• You tell other people you have chased down mailboxes thinking they were other riders.
  • Nope, I just have good eyes
• You have more water bottles than glassware in the kitchen cabinet.
  • Nope, but it is starting to get close
• You often just sit and admire your bike(s).
  • No, I barely have enough time to ride, much less sit around
• You convert your car’s brake & gas pedals to clipless.
  • This is just silly
• You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.
  • I don’t see any problems here
• You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.
  • My carbon soled Specialized shoes with BG inserts are extremely comfotable, though not particularly stylish
• Your one good pair of cycling shoes cost more than all of your other shoes…combined.
  • No, but I got my cycling shoes cheap and used by my shops owner
• You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.
  • This was clearly written by a poor college student
• You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.
  • Also disturbingly close but mainly because good cycling clothes are expensive!
• Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Trek, not a Harley.
  • Have you seen the kind of “chicks” typically found on the back of Harley’s?  Not pretty…
• You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.
  • I’ll let you know the first time this actually happens
    
• When it gets really windy outside, all you think is “great, more deadfall.
  • WORD
    
• More than half of your pants have tears, all in the same place.
  • I’m not exactly sure what this means
    
• You’ve ever had a “glove tan”
  • Definitely
    
• There’s no skin left on your elbows that isn’t scar tissue.
  • Knees either.  Thank you lousy railroad tracks!!!
    
• Your climate has two seasons- biking season, and wish I was biking season.
  • This is Michigan after all
    
• When you have more money invested in bikes than your car.
  • Got a LONG way to go before this is true